Wit and Wisdom, week of Jan. 16

Here's a collection of the funny, sweet, or insightful things Maggie has said over the past week. New words are in italics.

• "Now I feel tighter than a knot."
• Maggie gave me a great big hug as we snuggled in bed, and she said, "This is the happiest resting of all!"
• "Daddy, if you die before Bassy and I die, then I won't be able to show you how I can pick him up. [long pause] But if Bassy dies and I die, then I can show you how I pick him up in heaven! Is that correct?"
• "Daddy, I command you to clean that up!" (Bobby didn't find this nearly as funny as I did.)
• "That would be silly if someone were named shut up. Or kill. Or Publix. Or Green WalMart."
• She was talking in her sleep Thursday morning and murmured, "Yesternight ... coffee with coke in it."
• "I balanced Daddy's magazine on the cabinet and it didn't fall!"
• "Mommy, when I fall asleep and have my mouth open, I'm talking in my sleep." When I asked her what she was saying, she answered: "God, I love you. God, I love you. I love you love you love you."
• My hair tends to fall out a lot in the shower. One morning Maggie looked at the pile of hair and said, "Mommy, if you keep taking showers, you're not going to have any hair left!"
  
  
• She was reciting the different words that aren't nice and that she's not allowed to say, sometimes interspersing jokes amidst the list, for example, "Stupid, hate, kill, beautiful ... ha ha ha ... shut up ... the D-word ... the F-word." When she said "the F-word, my heart stopped. When she says 'the D-word,' she does in fact mean The D-Word. (Long story ... she claims to have heard it on TV, then later when she heard the word 'dam' on the news in relation to Chickamauga Dam, it began a huge discussion on the issue.) Anyway, so when she said 'the F-word,' I wasn't sure whether to get angry or throw up. I stayed calm, though, and when I asked her what she meant, she shrieked "FLOWER!" and started to laugh hysterically. Big sigh of relief.
  
  
• She'd been complaining of various things -- sore throat, itchy bottom -- so I took her to the dr. on Friday. When she got in the car, she said, "Mommy, it hurts when I swallow." I told her that's why we were going to the doctor. She paused and then said, "Um, Mommy? It doesn't hurt any more. It doesn't hurt at all. I'm all better." (She hates having strep tests.) Later, when we were in the exam room talking to the dr., she suddenly began a dramatic pirouette and then "fell" on the floor, pretending to be asleep. Dr. Rodgers looked quizically at me until I explained that Maggie's really into Sleeping Beauty; I had to get down on my hands and knees to revive the princess with a kiss.
  
  
• We had Dusty, one of the May kittens, spayed yesterday. When we picked her up from the vet, Maggie wanted to ride next to her, so I put the cat carrier in the back seat next to Maggie's car seat. I told Maggie to be careful and not hit the carrier or make loud noises since kitties don't like riding in cars. She was SO sweet. The whole way home, she held onto the handle of the carrier, telling me she wanted "to keep it from being so bumpy for Dusty" and she was constantly talking to her, saying things like, "It's OK, Dusty. I know you don't like being in the car. We'll be home soon. We're almost there. I bet you want to see big brother, don't you? We'll give you a treat when we get home. Don't be scared. Maggie's here. It's OK." My heart is still mush.