Losing our marbles

Lately I've been pretty frustrated at Maggie's general lack of cooperation. She's not a bad kid -- not anywhere near tantrum-prone or out of control. She's basically well-behaved and pleasant to be around, with one big exception. She just sort of does whatever she wants, regardless of what I've told her to do -- or not to do. Not major things; she knows and obeys basic rules of safety and etiquette. I'm talking about fairly insignificant things that add up FAST when I have to tell her 58 times: "Come brush your teeth." "Sit down at the table; it's time for dinner." "Take your clothes off, put them in your hamper, and come to the bathtub." And even when she attempts to comply, it's at a pace that makes slow motion look blur-inducingly quick.

When she was much younger, we used the "1, 2, 3" method. As she grew older and more aware, I switched to a "first time, every time" rule since with 1, 2, 3 she had already figured out she didn't have to do anything until after I said '2.' For a while we fell out of the FTET habit, counting backwards from 5 instead; there was something about me getting to '1' that really, really upset her. This wasn't our ideal method, but it was working, so we just went with it.

On her 4th birthday, we announced that she's a big girl now, and as such, we'd be going back to the FTET rule. Yeah right. Since that's not working so well, we're trying yet another idea -- Kate's Marble Technique. We got a small mason jar, filled it halfway full of marbles that Maggie picked out, and announced that we'd tell her to do something one time. Following that, she'd get one more warning, and if she hadn't complied by then, we'd take a marble out of the jar. When the jar gets fully emptied, she loses all movie-watching privileges for one week. (This elicited a wide-eyed gasp from her since she watches Sleeping Beauty once a day. We are so on to something, I thought.)

Conversely, if we see her going out of her way to obey or to show good behavior without having to be told, we'll add a marble or two to the jar. If the jar ever gets filled (note how I said 'if' it gets filled and 'when' it gets emptied ... an indicator of how well this is going so far), we'll take her to Chuck E. Cheese. Another huge gasp, this time with a smile. This is going to work like a charm, I smugly thought to myself.

And it did, for about four hours. The next morning, Maggie informed me that she didn't care whether the jar got emptied or not. And her behavior reflected that. Within the first 12 hours of the marble plan, she'd already lost seven marbles. I'm sticking with it, on the theory that she WILL care when she can't watch a movie for seven days. We just completed Day Four of the Great Marble Experiment and she's lost 14 marbles and earned one. Not the rousing start I was hoping for.

Tonight, the threats of marble-loss went so unheeded that we resorted to more severe punishment. She lost two of three bedtime stories just because she wouldn't get in the tub in a timely manner, and she lost snuggle time with Mommy when she opted to sit in the floor rather than climb into the bed when told. And told. And told. This got the worst reaction from her since she loves to snuggle and it's something we do every night. And while it killed me to take this away from her -- I love it as much as she does, and I never want to withhold affection as punishment -- at the time, I felt like it was the only way to get through to her. I sent her to bed with lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance amidst her tears, and I explained to her in great detail why this was happening and how she could have prevented it. And I'm amazed -- she's asleep.

I was losing my marbles in a figurative sense while Maggie lost them literally ... maybe now we'll both get to hang on to them for another day.