Channeling George Carlin

As an undergrad, I was a Communications major, and one of the required freshman classes was Comm 101 -- Intro to Mass Communication. I'll never forget discussing the FCC and its regulations; one topic that inevitably came up was George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" monologue. (Warning: offensive language contained in that link.) A California father sued the radio station that aired the monologue, and the case ended up at the U.S. Supreme Court; the court's ruling brought about more official regulation of "indecency" in American broadcasting.

I've been thinking about Carlin's list a lot lately, because my daughter seems to have created her own catalog of unspeakables. For a 3-year-old, of course, the words are much tamer than Carlin's -- words we adults often say without even thinking. Here, in a nutshell, are Maggie's Four Words You Can't Say ... Anywhere.

stupid

hate

kill

shut up

It's our fault, I suppose, Bobby's and mine. After buying her the movie Aladdin and realizing how much toddler profanity it includes (namely, these Four Words You Can't Say ... Anywhere), we started telling Maggie that they aren't nice words and shouldn't be spoken. Which means that now, she either 1) notices EVERY time anyone else says them, or 2) uses them every innocent chance she gets.

If it's Option #1, the instant the offending Word You Can't Say ... Anywhere is spoken, we'll hear an almost-condescending, "Mommeeeeee ... you said stupid. That's NOT a nice word. You CAN'T say that." You know how kids think moms have eyes in the back of their heads and can see everything? Well, Maggie has ears all over the house, yard, and nearby parks. Even when you think you're safe, you're not. She can't hear you when she's 10 feet away and you ask her to put her toys away, but mention quietly to a friend at playgroup that you hate The Bachelor, and she'll scream from across the playground, "Mommy, hate is NOT a nice word!" She was even in church with us one day--she'd just gotten well after having strep AND flu at the same time, which is a subject for another blog entry altogether, and we didn't want to chance her being exposed to anything in the nursery--and our pastor said "shut up" in the sermon. (It "fit" what was being said, by the way, lest you think my pastor hurls mild insults from the pulpit on a weekly basis.) I thought Maggie was going to come out of her seat, so unglued was she. First she gasped. Then, she exclaimed in a not-so-quiet whisper, "Mommy!" Mr. Mark said shut up!! That's NOT a nice word! Why did he say shut up?"

If it's Option #2, she'll actually look for opportunities to say the words in ways she doesn't seem to think will count. Usually this takes the form of her blurting out--completely out of the blue--something along the lines of, "I'm sorry. I just can't help saying kill. I don't like saying kill, but sometimes I just say kill on accident," or "I told Caca [her doll] you can't say stupid, but she said stupid anyway. I gave her a timeout." I'm torn between wanting to discipline her for saying them after we've told her not to, regardless of context, and admiring her vocal ability to slip them in to what she thinks will be a more "innocent" statement.

One thing's for sure ... I don't use the words stupid, hate, kill, or shut up anymore. Who needs Big Brother when Maggie's around?